Why must I continue to dwell on the VIPs? Only because they are a social evil number one. We need an antidote to the virus they suffer from, found only in the Third World. It’s been largely eradicated from the developed world. Anyone inventing a cure deserves the Nobel Prize. The disease is as fatal as AIDS. It attacks healthy cells that produce a chemical called ‘humility.’ Our DNA, that differentiates us from every other human being, is made of molecules that store information. The DNA acts like a blueprint, or a recipe, or a code, grounded in our genes. No scientist to date has succeeded in identifying and separating the VIP virus from the genes of a person in power. His DNA is delusional, prompting him that his genes are superior to others around.

The VIP virus is very destructive. It brings out the worst in a human. The symptoms are common and very easy to detect: a bloated head; a swollen ego; a stiff neck; a facial smirk; an air of impertinence; a stuffy gravitas; and a cocksure gait.

Since the virus is contagious, anyone who was once a maja, saja, gama (Tom, Dick or Harry) but now elevated to a VIP status gets infected the moment he assumes power. He begins to suffer from symptoms mentioned above. He consciously isolates himself from friends and acquaintances who appear to be ‘nobodies’ and therefore deserve the VIP’s scorn.

The VIP virus makes the sufferer delinquent, demented and deranged. He begins to imagine that he or she is destined for greatness; is God’s chosen; is invulnerable; and is indispensable. No, I’m not only talking about our four army dictators – Ayub Khan, Yahya Khan, Ziaul Haq and Pervez Musharraf — but also our civilian presidents and prime ministers: Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, Benazir Bhutto, Nawaz Sharif and even Shaukat Aziz. They wouldn’t let go of their chair.

President Zardari and Prime Minister Gilani too have been infected with the VIP virus. Not only that but they have passed on the virus to their governors, chief ministers, ministers, ruling party parliamentarians, bureaucrats and heads of state-run organisations.

We have a full-scale epidemic of the virus and there’s nothing we can do about it! We must suffer their hubris.

Remember the Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes at George Bush during a press conference in Baghdad. He became an overnight hero for his people. And more recently the corrupt Italian prime minister, Silvio Berlusconi, got punched in the face. While his henchmen gave clichéd statements like, “Democracy is at risk in this country,” (sounds familiar, doesn’t it?) or that the punch is “an act of terrorism,” the truth is that the Italians hate the guy. But the president is in denial. He told his hecklers: “You paint me as a monster, but I don’t think I am one — firstly because I am good-looking and secondly because I’m a good guy.”

Ever heard of mob hysteria? It can turn very ugly. I strongly suggest that our VIPs try to lick the virus circulating in their bloodstream before they become the victims of mass hysteria. They can get hurt very badly. Don’t try the patience of people already plagued with a broken-down system of governance and brazen corruption at all levels.

But I have good news to share with my readers. Senator Raza Rabbani has not been stricken with the VIP virus. Thank God for His small mercies. He’s symptom-free! I wrote in my last column that a flagged Mercedes car waited for him at the apron as he alighted from the PIA aircraft that brought us to Islamabad from Karachi last Sunday. It now turns out that the couple I saw sit in the limousine was not Raza Rabbani but Senate Chairman Farooq Naek and his daughter. Does Naek hold this post only because he was Zardari’s personal attorney fighting his corruption cases? Some VIP!

By: Anjum Niaz